Holding On
by Hannah Rubix
Summary: Grissom's heart would always belong to someone else. But it was never requited. After all, blond ambitions don't stay with science nerds. Grillows! Slight GSR bashing maybe.


Diclaimer: I don't own CSI or anything involved.

I love Grillows!!!! I'm don't hate GSR, though there might be some Sara bashing in this. I go for any CSI couple except Landers and Sandle. Heehehehe. Rate and Review lovies!!

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He watched **her**. Countless times she fell for the wrong man, many more times than he could remember. There would be late nights, late shifts, but she always made time for the guy. Whether he was a banker, a club owner, or a casino mogul, he would always be one of her priorities. Of course, her man would come after her daughter, and after her work, but usually above anyone or anything else. She would meet them anywhere, at coffee shops and parties, and she would bring them home. Lindsay would be in her room or at a friend's house when **she**was with the man. She would moon after them; she would clear her schedule just so she could have more time to spend with them and she, well, she was strong and independent, but whenever she was with one of them you could see her heart melting. Her blue eyes would shine with happiness whenever they called, and her fingers would twist some of her blond hair around her finger. His lips usually curled up into a smile when she looked like that, when she was that happy, but Gil Grissom knew what was coming after this.

She would be on Cloud Nine; she always acted younger, freer. But then, she would turn up at his doorstep, her oceanic eyes glimmering with fresh tears, and he would take her in. he would hold her in his arms, quietly muttering soothing words. Or, his phone would ring and he would hear muffled sobs and quickly turn his car around to go to her place. Even when she was crying, she was beautiful. Catherine Willows deserved better than any of them. He would hold her in his arms until she fell asleep, her blond hair falling across her rosy skin, looking as innocent and as vulnerable as an angel. He would kiss her forehead, or sometimes, if he were confident enough, her lips. The kiss was always sweet, and gentle, but he lingered by her lips for a few moments. He would then lay her down, and chastely cover her body with blankets before sitting down into her living room, watching television. He, better than anyone, knew she did not like to be alone, and she didn't want Lindsay to see her like that. But, in Gil's opinion, she was just as beautiful even when she was upset.

She was beautiful, wise, witty, and incredible. The only thing she couldn't see was his obvious love for her. She would cry on his shoulder, and she would comfort him in turn, but she could never **see**,**feel** how he felt. And why should she? She was exquisite, sexy and mysterious. She was a blond bombshell, while he was an ageing entomologist. How could he compete with any of the men she chose? But selfishly, instead of wishing for Catherine to find a good relationship, he didn't want her to. **He didn't want her to leave him. **He knew it was selfish, he knew it was childish to hope, to need Catherine to love him like he loved her. She never would, and he would have to let go of her eventually. But why couldn't she see how he felt?

Terri knew. Terri, the forensic anthropologist. That was one of the reasons why she didn't want to go out with him. She could **see** that she could have him, but she would never have his heart. And, of course, Lady Heather could see it too. She had seen it when she met him, but he knew she couldn't resist a challenge. Unfortunately, eventually she gave up, and there were no more distractions. At least, not until Sara Sidle expressed an interest in him. And who was he to argue? She was young, cute, and quite smart. She noticed too, that only one could have his heart. But she never gave up, she never quit the pursuit until they move in together.

Whenever he held Sara in his arms, Gil imagined that the smooth brown strands of hair were actually silky blond. When she looked him in the eyes, he pretended the eyes staring back at him weren't brown, but blue. He imagined long legs and rosy skin instead of pale skin and small curves. It was almost as if he was really with another woman. Catherine. It was almost as if he were with **Catherine**. Was it really his fault she never took notice of him? He needed someone, someone to dull the pain of losing the strawberry blond over and over again. So what if she was almost Catherine's opposite? Sara Sidle was a distraction, and what he needed the most right now. Well, he also liked the way she challenged him, and the way she stayed firm, and never gave up.

He heard his cell phone ring and grimaced, getting up to answer it. He didn't know why people just didn't use his apartment phone on his day off, but to each their own. He picked up the slim black phone and frowned, wondering how he let Catherine convince him to buy a new model. This new technology was confusing as hell, but sort of nice to look at. "Hello?" He asked, hearing silence on the line.

"G-Gil?" He recognized the quiet sobs before he heard the soft voice call his name. Picking up his keys, Gil opened the door.

"Catherine, what is it?" He knew this situation all too well, and he also knew that this had to be one of the worst times. Hadn't she been boasting about an engagement with the newest owner?

"C-c-could you come o-over?" He could almost see her slight frame quivering with tears. He knew what her small body looked like racked with sobs, and he didn't want her to be alone to face it.

"I'm on my way." With that, he hung up the phone. His stomach sinking with guilt, he realized he had forgotten to leave Sara a message to say where he was going. But she would know, she was used to it. Usually Catherine's flames only lasted a week, and she didn't need much help with those, but he knew that this guy had meant something to her. He had half a mind to go wherever that guy worked and give him a piece of his mind. But Gilbert Grissom was no fool. He pulled up to Catherine's driveway, and in a matter of moments he was at the door.

"Catherine, open the door." He knew that he should have asked, but Gil also knew that the assertive blond was going to come whether she wanted to or not. When the door opened a crack, he saw that she had a red mark across her face. "What did he do to you?!" He asked, horrified and beyond fury at once.

"H-he got mad. B-b-Bill was with another girl, and then I caught him. He hit m-m-me when I-I tried to leave, but I got him back." She gave him a watery smile before crumbling into his arms with a heart crushing sob.

"Son of a bitch!" Gil **never** swore. Well, he barely **ever **swore. Cradling her blond head to his chest, he manoeuvred himself into her house and shut the door, all the while leading Catherine to her bedroom. "I swear, if he ever, **ever **comes near you again…" He didn't have time to finish his threat, because he lied Catherine down onto the bed and she pulled herself up to sit beside him.

"D-don't Gil." Her voice sounded firmer now. "He isn't worth it." She buried her head in his chest and cried for an eternity. He rubbed her back, and gave her tissues, and hugged her close whenever she cried. He rested his chin on her beautiful head and wished that he had a chance, that she would give him one. But the beauty queen and the nerd were never meant to be.

As he moved to get up, she moaned in protest. "No Gil." She cuddled up to his chest as he watched her in a mixture of surprise and raised her face towards his. "Have I ever thanked you? For doing this, I mean. There's no one else I would rather have in here." And then, he watched with a mixture of surprise and tenderness as she gently pressed her lips against his.

Soon, they were kissing harder, and harder, unaware of the music blaring from the next room. Catherine lowered Gil onto the bed beside her before they took their clothes off in frenzy, each movement wild and lovingly performed, each caress tenderly taken. He wanted her to be in his arms forever, he wanted to be pumping into her for eternity. After it was over they laid side by side, panting as Catherine slowly fell asleep in his arms. He didn't dare move; he didn't want this dream to be over. He wished that he had had this chance earlier, and that Catherine hadn't only wanted him here for comfort. But he knew what he had to do now, and it wasn't good.

"Sara." He spoke quietly into the cell phone, trying not to wake the angelic sleeping figure beside him in the bed. He lovingly stroked her arm and held her as he whispered to Sara.

"Gil." The dark haired girl breathed, her voice shaking with worry. "Where are you? Nick and Warrick have been asking for you."

"S-Sara, I'm sorry." With those words, he clicked the end button on the phone. His hand trembled as he laid the phone down on the table to rest. Sara wouldn't take that well, he was sure of it. He would have to explain to her, but he didn't want to think of it now. He looked at the now stirring figure, and smiled shyly.

"Good morning Catherine." He said as calmly as he would have at the lab.

"Gil," she squinted, her blond hair cascading lazily down her shoulder as she propped her head up on an elbow. "You stayed." The smile she shot him was radiant, incredible just to look at. Who ever didn't treasure this beauty must be blind.

"Of course." He took her in his arms again, unable to wipe the smile off of his boyish features. Catherine wrapped her arms around him in response, smiling innocently. He was in bed, with her, and she wasn't going anywhere. He would think of Sara, and of the mess he made later.

Because after all, everyone wants to be held.


End file.
